I have decided to just work on my marriage and end this blog. I will perhaps start up another one without all the negativity that this one carries.

I know it's been a while. A lot has happened, but a lot has not changed. My husband is still non-communicative and just as boring, while this other man, who I hardly see is always on my mind. I have to admit- something happened to make me even more attracted to him. He kissed me. It wasn't just a peck, I was walking past him when he grabbed me and kissed me. Unbelieveable. I have never been kissed like that before. What am I doing?

I think I'm losing it! Just the littlest things set me off now. My husband forgot to pick up some blank video tapes while he was out getting a shelf and I got mad. He forgot to pick up the dog's collar from the vet's office, and I got mad. I don't even know why I get mad. It's not surprising that he doesn't remember stuff like that. I already know that, but I still get boiling mad! Why?? It's surprising to me when he does remember to do things he says he will do. Oh well.

Why am I so frustrated today? 1) He can't just put things away or throw things away...example: fed the dog and now an empty can of dog food is sitting on the counter stinking up the kitchen. I ask him to throw it out. He said he would. 20 mins later, it's still on the counter. 2) Dog was at vet; husband brings collar to vet; and husband loses collar. Does he bother telling me? HECK NO. He waits until I freakin' ask him about it because when I took the dog out, I couldn't find the darn thing around his neck! 3) Took children to pool today. Older one decides to walk out of the kiddie area and up the steps to the hot tub. Husband walks over to child, *(I am watching the whole scenario) and proceeds to talk to him for a minute before child climbs back down the stairs. What the hell took so long? Just tell him he has to come down NOW. There is no chit-chatting. The thing that irritates me to no end is the fact that he is S-L-O-W. Everything he does is slow. He even walks the pace of a turtle. How did I end up with him? When I move three steps forward, he pulls me two steps back. CALGON----TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!

I just discovered a web site that makes me smile...www.dailydancer.com

Look it up!

Well, it's been a few days since I last saw --. He wrote me a note the last time we saw each other: "Cuidate mucho. Yo pienso en ti. No lo olvides yo amo, amor. " Translated: "Take good care of yourself. I think of you. Don't forget I love you, dear." I live for those words.
How desperate.

I apologize for not writing in so long. My relationship with my husband is still fragile and we live more like roommates than husband and wife. The problem that I have now is that I've found myself attracted to another man in a very dangerous way. He has already shown interest in me and I want very much to experience his embrace. He's tried to kiss me but I fight the urges at the same time I desire them. It's so difficult. I know in my heart it's wrong, but being in an unhappy marriage seems to justify it, somewhat.
This other man doesn't speak a word of English, which makes it even more unlikely that we would even find something between us. But he tells me that he loves me and that I should forgive him for falling in love with me. (He writes in Spanish and I translate using the internet.) What I want to do doesn't jive with what I SHOULD do. Is it possible that love IS the universal language?

Well, this is my third day of not speaking with my husband. It's a little awkward since I usually make conversation when he's home. I don't think he realizes what's happening. I mean, is this the way he wants to live the rest of our married life? I certainly don't. I want to be happy. Perhaps I should try being a little more nice to him and see if that helps him remember to do things he says he's going to do. I really doubt it will help.