Well, this is my third day of not speaking with my husband. It's a little awkward since I usually make conversation when he's home. I don't think he realizes what's happening. I mean, is this the way he wants to live the rest of our married life? I certainly don't. I want to be happy. Perhaps I should try being a little more nice to him and see if that helps him remember to do things he says he's going to do. I really doubt it will help.

I can't believe how invigorating it is just to get my thoughts down. I've tried telling my own mom how I feel about my marriage, but she just sides with *. I don't think my sister would understand since she's still a newlywed. As for friends, I think deep down some are secretly happy that what is happening to you, isn't happening to them. But isn't that simply human nature?

Hi, Blog.
This is my first time you know..................writing in a blog. I decided to start writing this as a way of getting my thoughts about my marriage down.

The story starts 10 years ago when we met online on a local bbs. I just got out of a somewhat destructive relationship and saw several guys at the same time. I thought was I so fortunate to be dating a man working in a white collared job, instead of blue collared. I was so naive!
Around the same time I was seeing *, I was seeing **. ** and I just clicked like I've never clicked with anyone before. I enjoyed spending time with him. He was outgoing, sensitive, funny, intelligent, and just a great person. Unfortunately for me, he was divorced with two children he visited out of state every other weekend. I was only 24 then and wasn't ready for a instant family. As much as I hated to do so, I broke it off and started seeing * exclusively.

A year later, when * proposed, I told ** about it. ** immediately proposed to me and said he would always love me. He knew I wouldn't say yes, but I must admit, it was flattering.
Now, with a house and two children later, I feel somewhat regretful for not giving the relationship with ** a chance. I'm unhappily married. However, I love my kids very much and I can't see living without them now.

My marriage is not what I had hoped for. I guess everyone wants the fairy tale and I don't know if that is really possible. I thought I would fall in love and stay in love forever. Now that I'm 34, I know what kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and my husband isn't that person. But perhaps I shouldn't complain. * really isn't a bad man. He's a good father...at least he's there for them...my own father left when I was 1 year old. * makes enough money for me to be a stay at home mom and he doesn't ever complain about me not bringing home an income. He would rather me stay at home to raise the children.

My ideal man would be intelligent, outgoing, funny, sensitive, romantic, passionate, communicative, love to dance, and be a "take charge", "take initiative" kind of guy. Being somewhat handy would be nice too. I basically do everything around the house and I'm feeling somewhat unappreciated. I do all the cooking, most of the cleaning (* will only do dishes, vacuum, and a load of laundry, if I ask), pay all the bills, and I take care of anything having to do with the house. If he saw a tissue or piece of trash on the floor, he would step over it instead of picking it up and put it in the trash. Please, just pick it up and throw it away! Would you please help me out?
I'm actually more handy than *. I've re-caulked the countertops in the kitchen and bathrooms, replaced rotting wood trim outside our home, and was the general contractor when our basement was finished. I'm the one who interviewed the contractors and saw the project through until the end. You would think that a man (or husband) would want some input on finishing his own basement.

I'm just tired. Tired of a husband that has no spine. He doesn't communicate with me or tell me anything. He hates conflict, so he never says what is on his mind. I've resigned myself to staying until the kids are grown (another 18 years) because my kids need to have their father around and staying with * would give them more (financially) than what I could do on my own. Sacrificing my own happiness for my children is what I should do. I'm just doing my time...